An Introvert’s Quarantine

I understand that this list may or may not be much help to most. Just documenting this time and how a mentally challenged person keeps busy to avoid unsettling thoughts during the outbreak.

Things I did during the Coronavirus Quarantine:

  • Unleash your inner Mari Kondo. It hasn’t been my habit to clean the entire house – well not until quarantine. I learned
  • “Anyone can cook” -Chef Gusteau (Ratatouille) I can make myself some Osso Buco, Beef Bulgogi, Kare-Kare, Humba and more. But I never learned how to cook rice – mainly because someone else knew how, so I left that task for them to do. I decided to add rice cooking to my “skills”.
  • Along with this, I tried *to follow* new recipes. (Being the rebel that I am, I don’t measure anything)
  • I. Detest. Baking. or Baking. Detests. Me. There was once when my rainbow cupcakes exploded in the oven. Ohh, what a unicorn-poop of a mess that was. Since then, I only bake from the box. Hello, instant brownies. (They’re not half bad)
  • Rub-a-dub. I learned how to get some laundry done. Oh, that’s how you use a washing machine..and that’s how the sun becomes a natural dryer. DOPE.
  • Okay, I binged on Netflix’ Riverdale until Season 3. It goes downhill from there.
  • Skin care? I’ve never been one to visit beauty stores and Korean shops, mainly because I don’t understand the fuss about skin care routines. I’m a wash-n-wear kind of girl. I hardly style my hair or take hours to prepare. But with all that time in my hands, I decided to try the (icky, slimy) face mask. Mmm. Cold. *gets impatient* What’s this coldness for? Mmm. Not comfy. *tosses in the bin*
  • My downtime is usually for continuing my already-finished painting (for the lack of a new primed canvas).
  • REDUCE, RE-USE, RECYCLE. So, like I’ve posted on my IG, I’m a lousy klutz and I’m literally a tornado around the house on days that my high-functioning anxiety kicks in. Thus, I have broken one porcelain plate and my *seemingly indestructible* Lock and Lock water bottle. Who knew those things break? With the broken pieces (and the lack of art materials) I’ve decided to make an artwork from trash, to treasure. I’ll be posting some of the works soon on my Instagram: SNAPPERDOODLES
  • SCRABBLE. One of my favorite games on my phone would be WORD WARS. I used to play this when I’m in line, or just plain bored when I’m out of the house.
  • Oh, yes I did this. It’s so satisfying when you have OCD like myself. “18. Have a space in your home where all of the tupperware goes? Organize it and actually match lids to containers.” (from USA TODAY)
  • FEWD. Okay, guilty. I’ve downloaded all the possible food delivery apps – but only got to have food delivered around twice. I spoke to kuya rider, who has *sort of* become a friend to me. Most of our beloved riders on wheels have gone back to their provinces to stay indoors during the pandemic. Thus, it’s really going to be hard to catch a rider thru Grab, Lalafood, Angkas, HeyKuya and Lalamove.
  • Camera Roll Mari Kondo? Free up some valuable memory space by deleting duplicates or unflattering selfies. Facebook Mari Kondo? Free your life of unnecessary social media noise.
  • Travel bug got you? Me too. My eyes were aching to see new things, so I went on a virtual tour. This link might be helpful: My fave is the Smithsonian Zoo: I spent a good hour here, touring the halls and heck, even reading the plaques.
  • I applied for a zookeeper job. Say what? Yup.
  • Avoided all TikTok videos.
  • Farmville at home. For a person like myself who could kill even a cactus – maybe vegetable planting is for you. I planted vines and vines of malabar spinach – or what we know better as ALUGBATI. And a teeny clove of garlic. Fingers crossed. Live, liiiiive!
  • DONATE – Of course we should give back to those who are less fortunate, especially during this time of need. We gathered bread, clothes and foodstuff to share with the community.
  • Have a good laugh. My “waterproof” Huawei Mate 20 PRO drowned in the pool a few weeks back. So which might explain the photo quality on my recent posts. Cause of death: Taking a doggy video below *insert facepalm emoji*
  • Dressed up my avatar on GAIA ONLINE. I used to play this back then in high school, I still do occasionally. Add me up if you’re a Gaian: I often transition from a cute avi to a goth one. Hence, my bipolar personality haha undefined


Behind the Mask

What kind of mask do you hide behind?

Which color is most comfortable?

Which of those personalities make you feel most alive?

Would the world love you for what’s lies underneath?

Would you someday accept who you truly are?

Snippets and cut outs of colored cardstock from @boysenpaintsphilippines paint swatch catalogue.


𝑮𝒐𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒏 𝑩𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒎𝒔 and Golden Truths

I learned how spontaneity is invaluable when it comes to art. Just like water, its fluidity causes one to learn to ‘go with the flow’. Never knowing what the piece is going to look like next, always anticipating how unusual the next brush stroke would be – or how the whole thing would turn out.

Swipe to see process photos.

At first I was going for an abstract geometric piece.

See the three women etched into the gold? So I decided to try women empowerment…

..and then it looked off

..and so I obviously covered it in up – badly. I was going for a forlorn lady with purple tears – which I believe looks more like two mutilated butterflies on a golden puddle.

I covered the rest of the mess in gold paint and decided to turn them into flowers instead.

Painting is therapeutic. I’ve had a lot of time to ponder on some realities.

In life, we never get the whole picture – and we never will. There’s a certain morbidity and comfort in this truth. That no one really knows wtf they’re doing now, or what in the world would happen next year. You could be filthy rich now, and a mess tomorrow. You can be struggling now, and victorious sooner than you know it.

We’ll never know the whole picture. So let’s just make sure that we’re on the path to making a good one. At the end of our lives, we’ll all take a step back to either admire our works, or cringe with disdain..




An Acrophobia’s Adventure

Haven’t updated my journal of late. My first hike was an exhilarating experience. I’d envisioned walking (yes, walking) on dusty, flat earth, being surrounded by dewy grass and warm sunny skies (I’ve packed bug spray for the WORST case scenario that I could think up). To my surprise it was nothing like I had imagined.

The hike up Nagpatong Rock was the EXACT opposite of what I’ve prepared for.

We began our journey at 3am to make it for the 5:30am trek.
It was drizzling when we arrived at the jump off. The rest of the hike up was wet, -incredibly- muddy (where the mud sticks to your shoes and weighs it down, making it slightly more difficult to move), slippery and rainy (much more perilous than a regular hike as the rocks and the paths are uneven and slippery).

I didn’t push myself to go up to see Nagpatong Rock Formation though, as I was too -chicken- scared of heights and danger.

Despite my Acrophobia (fear of heights) it was certainly an adventure nonetheless, one I am thankful that I didn’t need an inhaler for (my cardio down the dumps, btw). I wasn’t able to take photos due to the weather, but surely the experience was one to remember.

Stay adventurous.




For You, When You’ve Forgotten

On days when you could barely get up out of bed, hey, you’re awake, you’re alive.

On days when you simply just want to hide from the world, not out of fear, but for the sake of your sanity – you’re brave. Brave for taking care of yourself and that by doing so, you’re being strong for others, too.

On days when no one seems to be on your side, you are your own ally – you’re a boss. A one man team can often get things done too, no matter how small the task.

On days when the traffic gets you late, when you lose something that meant the world to you and nothing goes right, you still try. Sometimes trying is the best you can do, and for that you’re a fighter.

On days when the tears flow like endless rain, and your heart is gripped in pain, you will make it through – you are resilient.

On days when the world has washed you clean of your identity, remember that you’re unique. If you’re a pink, a blue, a green, a purple, whatever, just paint the world that color and revel at the masterpiece that you create.

On days when you doubt your beauty, your pace and your own self worth, remember that your value is not measured by the people around you – you’re amazing.

On days when the sky is overcast and the clouds are murky-gray, look deep within and there you will find that you’re the sunshine.

On days when you feel like your emotions are out of whack and your mental state is nothing short of a ship wreck, remember that to the person who loves you, you’re enough.

On days when you feel lost and look back and to see how far you’ve come, you’re an adventurer. Climb that mountain, cross that ocean, conquer the skies because you can, and you already have.

On days you feel like quitting, let me tell you, you’re not alone. You’re strong and no matter how small the efforts are that you put into making your life (even just a teeny bit) better, trust me, what you’re doing is enough. Baby steps are steps forward, nonetheless.

Let me be the first to tell you that I’m proud of how far you’ve come.

There are many days, even weeks when I could barely function because of anxiety and depression. There are people who are lucky, that they can CHOOSE not to feel what we feel, not to struggle with what we battle with on a daily basis. But for us, sometimes the only choice we have is whether or not to allow this illness to take control of our lives.

There are many days when I let it. But there are days when the only thing I tell myself is “Get off your ass” to get myself out of the intoxicating grip of the warden – depression and the cell – my bed.

I am writing this, miles and miles away from the comfort of my bed. I woke up today, feeling like I’m carrying a huge pile of rocks. It takes thrice as much energy for me to walk or to do the things I usually do. Humor is foreign to me at this point, and this tension headache isn’t making things any easier for me.

All I did today was to “Get off my ass” and somehow I believe it is enough for me to get by for now. That’s all it is. Finding little ways to get by.




The Beauty of Change

You know you’re on the right track when you decide to change. A few weeks ago, I’ve decided to make small life changes.

Over the course of a few months, I’ve used nothing else but Grab’s car services for its convenience. However, @grab_ph ‘s prices are getting unreasonably steep and uneconomical.

Now, I’ve always been afraid of commuting, not because of the public or the PH humidity, but mostly due to my *faulty* personal navigational compass. I’d get lost easily.

One day, I asked myself how much longer will I be dependent on car services and how much longer my *wallet* finances can take more of the price hikes.

(I have taken driving lessons but after a slight accident on the road I nevee got back to it. I blank-out most times and it’s a no-go for me as a potential driver)

But “Life is about not knowing and then doing something anyway” (Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck) and I refuse to be a sob, dependent Grab B*tch so I gathered up my courage and faced my fears of commuting.

My last jeepney rides were back then in college when I’d take one ride home every day. I realize now, it wasn’t as bad as my anxiety thought it would be.

I feel relieved that I actually did have a choice. A choice to be bound to expensive car services, a choice to be stuck within the confines of my limitations. But it feels so much better, so liberating to know that I made a choice to be strong and free, instead.

To make my commute a habit that I look forward to, I pick any (public) leaf or flower on the way home. I do flower-pressing upon getting home. One day, it’ll be a collection. That what once was my fear, has become a thing of beauty.


My Truth.

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Truth? I still cry whenever I'm surrounded by the artworks my creative friends have made, in collab spaces and craft shops around the Metro – it reminds me of the past I've willingly chosen to leave behind. . It's like an echo from a past I refuse to return to. I remember how it felt to create and how wonderful it felt to be complimented and looked up to in the industry. I've met so many people and worked with many brands. But this is my TRUTH: I've came to accept that the spotlight is just not my 'home'. . I know what I am and what I am not. I know that I belong in the background, in the quiet of the bustling city, in the back room of a party (possibly talking to a random but the real-est person I can find). I'm not a social butterfly. I'd prefer deep conversations over small talk any day. I have (more than half of the time) moments when I need to be alone, and there are days (albeit quite rarely) when I'm ready to mingle. . For a year I've changed my name into @littlegirlwanders and closed my current account. That's how long it took me before I decided that I will start the process of healing and acceptance. . I look back to what I was. It still pains me that as an artist, I've stopped creating, drawing and writing for years because I've been so hung up over the past. I'm working on it. I know I am. . To this day, I repeat my mantra: 'You are home where your heart is safe'. In everything I do, I remember to practice self-care and to ask my heart if it felt safe. Because for now, that's what matters; #MentalHealth matters.

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