I feel the “Christmas Blues” as December draws nearer.
Since August this 2017, it’s been liberating to be able to freely post and share to the world the reality and familiar feeling of depression. It’s more than a “feeling”, more than a “disease”, it’s an invisible monster that needs to be battled tirelessly on a daily basis. Although my Instagram follower count has dwindled and the changes in life has become more evident since then, I have never felt freer to take off the mask and finally be myself.
For people suffering the same, it’s often described like a dark cloud waiting to come at the most unexpected time: like darkness without the dawn and thunderstorms without warning.
It’s not rainbows and butterflies when one deals with such demons, waking up seems harder, sometimes even eating becomes a chore. Ever since I began treatment last August though, the could has lifted a little. Days have become a little brighter. Sunlight comes through once in a while, and there are good days when I have the energy to draw once again.
This is one of my favorite photos from our recent trip to Tagaytay. It sums my life up in one photo. I love how the sun shines brightly through the clouds and the horizon beyond is infinitely beautiful.
Although life isn’t getting easier, it takes a lot of hard work and support from loved ones to get me through each day. Travelling has helped me get things off my mind temporarily, too. With lots of sights, sound and culture to be immersed in, I realized that instead of imploding with all the thoughts of self doubt, self blame and self harm, there is more to life than “ourselves”.
Hong Kong was a beautiful place, similar to the hustle and bustle of the city life here in Manila. But throughout our brief stay, I saw that I was being too nearsighted, that the world is enormous, that there is more to life than oneself. Overcoming depression is about finding YOURSELF (Overrated little quote I agree). But in between my therapy schedules and regular life, it took me a while to find what makes me happy to be alive. I’m still on the pursuit of finding that “something” but little by little, life isn’t as bad as I thought it was.
I learned to live one day at a time, worrying less (I need to work on that), stressing less, and being braver in facing life’s challenges.
I hope and pray that as the days go by, I’ll find what makes me fly.
“We’ve all got wings, all we have to do is fly”.
Cheers to brighter days ahead.