As an artist and a normal human being, I regret to say that I am limited. There are good days when I can draw exactly what I have pictured in my head, and of course there bad days when I just stare at the blank piece of paper in front of me. Recently there had been an abundance of those bad days, the lack of inspiration and the agony of feeling unproductive. Let me give you a peek at what an artist’s bad day looks like: Sketchpads with unfinished doodles strewn across the table, spilling that bottle of (very) expensive ink and the worst part would be staring into space, waiting for that lightbulb moment.
My days have been like this on repeat for a couple of days and I started to wonder if there was something I’ve been doing wrong. This led to over-thinking, comparing and (a lot of) asking: “Where do I go from here?”, “Is there still a point pursuing SnapperDoodles full-time?”, “Is it about time to go back to corporate?”, “Financially, why am I stuck?”, “What’s in store for me in the future?” and so on.
I figured that I have none of the answers to these, so I resolved to prayer and spending more time with the Lord. The past few days have brought me back on track as I realized a couple of things:
1. No pressure.
There are far too many people I want to please through the business: my clients, my family, my friends, myself (which would be the hardest, truth be told). But I forgot Who I am doing all this for, I neglected the very person, the only Person I’m living to please.
2. Money matters, but it’s not ALL that matters.
During my elementary days, I was window shopping with my mother when I saw how expensive and beautiful clothes were at Mark’s& Spencer. That day I told myself: “One day, I will be rich and that’s where I will shop!” Recently, I’ve opened up to Don about my recurring problem – Finances. Each day I kept beating myself up for my in-capabilities, thinking that there must be something MORE that I can do for the business, but then he stopped me in my tracks and asked:
“What is it you really want to do in life?”
In my life, I want to keep doing what I love and to make Him known through it.
“Okay good. So tell me, WHO owns SnapperDoodles?”
I was speechless.
“It’s not about your career, but rather about God.” (Ptr. Peter Tan-Chi, Feb 1, 2015, CCF Sunday Message)
Nothing was in my control to begin with, the volume of workshop registrants, the sales at the bazaar and not even the commission work – yet time and again, God proves Himself faithful and provides me with enough. All this time I’ve been carrying this heavy burden on my shoulders, wanting to do more, clenching tightly to the business, refusing to simply let go and let God.
My d-group leader recently explained to me:
“We all want control of our lives, thinking that we have the power to see things go our way. How can God give you blessings when you are holding on too tightly to certain things? God can’t bless you when your fists are closed. He will bless you when your palms are open to receive.”
Come to think of it, there wouldn’t be any “Financial concerns” to begin with had I learned to see that I wake up each day with ENOUGH. No I am not rich enough to have a shopping spree at Mark’s & Spencer, but I’d rather have Jesus than what this world could offer.
“But this happened so we would not trust in ourselves but in God…”
“Sometimes all you will have is your belief that something is possible, that miracles can happen… Believe that God will provide whatever you lack.” (Limitless, Nick Vujicic)
“God gives you power, with a purpose. If you do not experience God in your life, you are still in the comfort zone.” (Ptr. Peter Tan-Chi, Feb 1, 2015, CCF Sunday Message)
If there’s one thing I learned through my one-year journey, it is that THIS is living out of the comfort zone. The path I am in now is where I will clearly see how God works, both wonderfully and mysteriously.
3. God cares about what you want.
Why wouldn’t He? During one of my quiet times, in Matthew, what would normally be a simple verse that I would read through, has struck me for the first time: “What is it you want?” (Matt 20:21) and “What do you want me to do for you” (Matt 20:32). This melted my heart, seeing that what I want actually mattered to Him.
Don’t be afraid to tell Him what you really want, your hopes, dreams and aspirations, go ahead. Make them known.
“If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matt 21:22)
Have faith, not everything goes our way, but trust that He wants ONLY the best for us – ALWAYS.